Following Edge

Driving into town, driving in heavy traffic at 18th and City View in Eugene, a car sped through the opposing turn lane, passing several cars waiting for the signal, and slammed into the passenger side of the car right in front of me, causing that car to collide with the driver's side of a car in the opposite lane. It was shocking.

I stopped, but, by the time I was our of my car and across the street, the wonderful generosity of dozens of people had already verified the good (but shaken) condition of the passengers, started work to tug on the door of one car to free its driver, and had contacted 911.

I'm always impressed by the generous human impulse to help people in need. It makes me glad. On the other hand, the butterfly effect is also on my mind. What if a burst have wind had dislodged a leaf, distracting a dog, causing the lady in the car in front of me to have to yell at her dog one more time to come in for breakfast, and this 3 second delay resulted in her being behind me today, instead of me behind her. I could have been in that accident. Something to think about, but not too much, I suppose.

In the last two or three days, I've fallen again into a very deep depression. It's strange how quickly it comes on. Tvindy asked my on Wednesday night whether I was still suffering depression, and I had told him that it had been gone for some time and that I was feeling good and being productive. So quickly things change. Of course, everything seems in need of fixing: I think about changing jobs or restructuring or reducing my work, I think about reorganizing my personal time so that I can get a bit more time away from the routine of home, I think obsessively about sex, I think about everyone's faults. Certainly, things must, in reality, be much as they were earlier this week... only my thoughts have changed.

It's hard for me to do anything. I feel like laying in bed all the time and have to force myself to to my job. I was thinking about doing IRC Internet chat or even something like Second Life to occupy myself and give me another social outlet, but a little investigation seems to show that most of what's out there isn't worth getting involved with. I'll keep thinking about it. In the meantime, I'll keep up hopes that it will pass quickly and before anyone yells at me to stop being such a bummer.